When the bombs go off I won't take cover (home is where I lay my head)
by Immortal-sassy-ward-shipper
Summary: Summary: A 084 gives the team a glimpse at 15 years ago, a small clearing in Wyoming. (cross-posted to A03, this is one of my bringing stories over)
1. Chapter 1

**Notes: ok, so any suggestions on where to go with this. The title comes from the song 'someone' by Lucy spraggan which you have to listen to. Its law**

Its dark, its cold and the rain is a slow dibble. They hear someone talking quietly, the sound of ding sobs mixed in. Through the trees they can see a kid curled up with a chocolate lab, Coulson's sure he's seen that dog once before. The kids trying to use the trees as cover from the rain, dark wet hair in his face, a red cap pulled down, he's shaking. "We're gonna be ok buddy, we're gonna be fine. We don't need him, don't need anyone" he says, slightly bitter, voice cracking.

A make shift camp had been set up, some pots and pans hanging up, a dead fire, some logs that had been set up as seats and what had once been an animal's now strips of meat hanging from a branch.

The kid was living here, they summed up, the kid also looked like a damn puppy and he seemed like he needed a hug.

"We're gonna be fine. We don't need him, we're doing fine. He doesn't need to ever come back. We can live here permanently, never have to leave. I won't go back to juvie and you won't have to go to a pound. I promise, but you can still leave if you want buddy. I won't blame you or nothing, everyone leaves eventually. You'd probably be better off, you'd find a better owner who wouldn't leave you in a forest with a useless, worthless piece of shit like me, and you'd find a good home and a family and everything. Better than me. But if you stay ill build a cabin and everything, I promise, I'm getting better at hunting and all so we won't go hungry again, see we don't need anyone" his voice shook and the dog just whined, nuzzling closer to lick his face.

"Love you too buddy. All we need is each other. We don't need him to come back; don't matter if he never comes back. We'll be fine here and everything. Don't need Mr Garrett to come back, he left us here, probably lying about everything, dad probably hired him to get rid of me permanently. He was just lying. Like I could do anything good. All just lies. Mr Garrett can fuck off, he's never gotta come back, he can go fuck himself and everything. They all can, the whole fucking world can all fuck off and leave us alone" there's some sharp draws of breathe, they're pretty sure of who Mr Garrett is but it's much harder to guess who the kid is.

He scrubs at his eyes with his damp sleeve "I want him to come back too. Maybe he's just making sure I'm not worthless that I'm worth the effort. Maybe I just need to do better, to prove them all wrong. He said he believed I could, maybe he just wants to be sure, shields gotta be top secret so they can't just let anyone in. maybe it's all just a test, it could be. Just a test to see if I can do it. Like the quartermaster did. Prove you deserve a chance. And I just gotta work even harder cause I'm a stupid crim'nal and if I do good I ain't gotta go back, I can earn a chance. And-and then Mr Garrett'll do what he said and then I'll stop being weak. Maybe he's taking longer cause I was making him not like me, that'll be it, right buddy? All just one big test, I can pass it, I know I can. Not like its maths, easier than that. And he'll come back and see how good we've done and then I'll have passed and everything. Gonna prove he was right to choose me. Won't disappoint him like I disappointed mum and dad and rose and Christian and Dana and everyone. It'll be different and everything" it's probably not healthy for him to talk to a dog like that.

It clicks for May first, after all this is a small, scared, puppy faced kid so it is hard to get. "Ward" she mutters to Coulson, recognising the names but they all do. Because a glance at his file gives his siblings names. Of course it never mentioned him being a puppy faced kid abandoned in the middle of a forest.

"We're gonna be fine, we've survived a few months now, we can survive it all. We're gonna be fine and we'll do even better when Mr Garrett comes back. Said he believed in me, he'll come back" he muffles a sob "even if he don't this is home, right buddy? It's an alright home and when we've built a cabin we won't have to stay in the rain. It's a good home, just you and me, that's all we need. And when Mr Garrett comes back then it'll still be good, maybe even better. You and me against the world, right buddy?" he smooth's the dogs fur.

It strikes them as an incredibly unhealthy attitude to have, in general. he was treating the dog as if it were human, went from never needing Garrett to wanting him to come back, thinking the same man who abandoned him could only make things better, then deciding he was alone against the world thinking he would be fine in the forest with a dog and calling it home.


	2. Chapter 2

**NOTE: **_2 days working on a 2089 word piece of crap. Im trash so it had to end like that, I can't do decent redemption so you get ambiguous and skye being a viewer of ragtag._

They don't know how it happens but the 084 seems to understand what they want to know and they are in the forest at daytime.

They are all confused and voices are heading towards them, well one voice that they hated. It's a younger Garrett and young ward, ward looks just a little less scruffy than in the previous scene they had witnessed.

Garrett's droning on about his plan to retire, carrying the dead animal and a shotgun on his shoulder whereas ward looks uncomfortable.

"What if the police find us?" he's trying to hide his nerves and it's not really working "No one's looking, your family would be happy to never see you again, as for cops…well, they do best when they stay out of SHIELDs way" Garrett tells him rather coldly, what a good thing to tell a kid.

Ward, however, doesn't even seem phased at it and moves on "is there a SHIELD academy near here?" he asks instead as they near a car, Garrets car from fifteen years ago as Coulson remembers and does the mental math for the ages at the time.

"Right now you have more pressing issues, like what you're going to eat tonight" Garrett replies, heading to put the items in the back of the truck "I-I thought that was our dinner?" Ward stutters and they can't tell whether its fear or confusion or maybe some turmoil of emotions.

Garrett holds the animal up to emphasise his point "No, this is my dinner. I shot them, I eat them" he even gives an amused scoff "Hell, buddy deserves these birds more than you do, he retrieved them" he dumps the birds in back and retrieves a bad while they can't quite place the look on wards face.

"From here on out you earn everything" he throws the back at ward who manages to catch it against his chest "you want a warm place to sleep? You make it. Want something to eat? You kill it" Wards looking inside the bag "w-wait! You can't be serious. A-all I have in here are some clothes" Ward exclaims, walking after Garrett quickly "Right! If you had told me I-I would have brought tools, or food" they can easily understand wards frustration and anger.

"Stop blaming me for your own failure" Garrett interrupts, raising his voice and taking a menacing step forward "It makes me not like you" that's what he had meant "you want it easy? Go back to juvie, they'll give you three squares and a cot." Ward takes a step back. "Confirm what your family believes, what everybody believes. That Grant ward is weak and worthless" Ward doesn't say a thing, he's trying to keep looking up but failing and the sting those words have is clear.

"Tell you what, I'll leave buddy here. You take care of him and maybe he'll take care of you" He is trying to come off as a good guy and god, they wish ward wouldn't fall into the trap but they know he does.

Garrett climbs in the truck "I'll be back in a couple of months, either you'll be here or you won't. It's up to you" He may as well have added '_or you'll be dead' _on the end and ward still didn't say anything "For what it's worth, I believe you can do it" Garrett smiles and drives away to buddy barking and ward throwing the bag to the ground in anger.

/

It changes again all too fast.

There's the camp set up as they first saw it, more or less, and garrets chuckling as he looks around. He's checking out a dead deer when grant comes out of nowhere and holds a shot gun to the base of his neck, he actually seems surprised.

"Give me one good reason not to blow your head off" Ward demands, his hands tremble slightly and so does his voice "I brought tacos" Garrett raises the bag along with his hands in a gesture of peace. Ward doesn't seem amused and shifts the gun slightly "I was half expecting you to be long gone" Garrett comments, not moving an inch, and Ward doesn't miss a beat "I was half expecting you to never come back. You said a couple of months, it's been six" They really can't blame ward for being angry, at all.

"I've been out of country on an assignment" garret tells him calmly and slowly turns around, Coulson is 95% sure he's lying, "seems like you and buddy did ok without me" the dog whines and Ward lowers the gun, shrugging a little "The first few weeks were rough" and turns away.

"Then I realised my thinking was limited so I started raiding cabins, got some tools, the tent, life got easier" Garrett seemed pleased at what he had driven young Ward to, by leaving him out there. Ward puts don the gun carefully "gonna build a cabin, over there" he gestures to a wide area of grass.

"See. I told you, you could do it" Garrett walks past him, patting his arm as he passed, "damn son, you stepped up in a big way. I couldn't be prouder if you were my own" he tells him, _you devoted your life to a deranged narcissist who never gave a damn, _then he turns around with a gun aimed directly at Ward who takes a scared step back.

"I lied about the tacos" it takes ward a second time to get any words out "what's that for?" Garrett clicks off the safety "your next lesson" he tells him before shooting items all over the camp.

Garrett holds the gun out to Ward when he's done "your turn" he smiles and ward takes it slowly "stick with me, kid, a couple of years and you'll shoot better than that"

/

_First beating in name of "making him stronger and teaching him"_

They hope it's almost over now, don't want to see more of garrets lies or a time they could see Ward as good but it's not to be, its twilight and there's an animal cooking over the small fire.

"Next lesson. You need to learn to take a hit and to block it" Garrett announces and there is a sinking feeling in their stomachs as ward glances up a little startled "I can take a hit" he mutters, looking down.

Garrett merely sighs "It's not enough to be able to take a punch. You get too used to letting people use you as a punching bag and that's all you'll ever be. You need to learn to want to dodge that hit, block it and strike back twice as hard" he tells him and ward mutters some variation of "ok", they are pretty sure he muttered "Ain't no rest for the wicked" along with it.

Ward climbs up and moves over to the side, preparing himself, "speak up" its obvious something's bothering him "isn't it dangerous?" Ward questions and Garrett rests an almost comforting hand on his shoulder "im a trained agent, son, I know what's safe and what's not. If you don't want to do this then we can always make a start on resisting torture. It's a lot of fun" and Ward looks down, shaking his head.

"Hey, it's necessary. Would you rather be the punching bag to be used and thrown away or help change the world?" He doesn't even have to wait for an answer "if the job was easy" he begins "Then it would be any fun" Ward finishes smoothly and offers a half-smile.

The punches come hard and fast, Its brutal and actually sickening to watch , they continue without pause until ward pulls away to cough up some blood "can I Get some water?" he croaks "not yet. You can take more, you need to want to block and fight back" Garrett dismisses.

/

They can actually recognise ward this time, they aren't sure whether it's a joy or not.

Garrett and Ward are sat at the fire, eating and ward feeding buddy some food. It's kind of cute.

"you know he's not human, right?" but Garrett sounded used to ward being close to the dog and ward actually seems a little offended and confused by the question "Of course I know. I mean he's better than human. Smart, loyal, trustworthy" he actually ends up talking to the dog instead.

(They actually kind of need a moment to process the thought process of grant ward regarding dogs)

"Yeah, where does all that trust and loyalty lead? Abandoned in the woods or dumped at the pound" Garrett turns the cute moment into something more serious and hits his side hard, a loud metal _thump_ filling the silence momentarily "I learnt that lesson the hard way".

Ward looks up at him, curious but not daring ask "I know you've never asked but im sure you're curious. Nickel version…I got fragged by an IED outside Sarajevo. When I radioed for med evac I got nothing but an earful of excuses. That's when I realised I was more loyal to SHIELD than SHIELD was to me. So I decided that if I made it out, if I survived…I was going to treat them the way they treated me. Then I stuffed my intestines back inside, duck taped myself shut and humped my way out" Garrett told him and ward listened avidly.

The team however…they can't honestly say that they knew all of that but it does not mean they empathise with the Garrett they knew.

"You remember when we first met, I told you I worked for a secret organisation?" Garrett questions and ward nods "well, it's more like I work for a secret organisation inside another secret organisation. You ever heard of HYDRA?" he asks and ward just shakes his head "HYDRA understands the importance of survival"

/

It's definitely not as far they go again.

Wards hunting with a sniper while Garrett's watches. "I have some good news" He says and ward doesn't even glance up "can it wait a minute?" Garrett shuts up and ward takes the shot, buddy goes running and barking "damn dog takes off running every time I take a shot out here. That deer's eighteen hundred metres out. Gonna take him a while to find it" Ward laughs as he climbs up and pulls on his red cap "im all ears" he smiles brightly.

"you've been accepted by SHIELDs operations division, effective immediately" Garrett smiles at him and ward seems surprised for a moment "we need to pack up" he adds and ward snaps out of it "thank you, sir, for everything" ward holds out a hand to shake.

"Don't do that" Garrett tells him "you don't owe me or anyone else a thing, you earned it by yourself. It's going to be tough when you get there, if you're going to work within SHIELD for HYDRA then you can't ever get attached to anyone or anything, you have to fight that weakness in you" he tells him and ward nods solemnly "yes, sir".

"Good. Now take care of buddy and we'll get out of here" the  
expression on wards face is an echo of that's on Skye's face "if he does then im done" she says simply and Garrett walks past before pausing "That's not a weakness, is it" he questions and ward can't even look at him properly "no, sir" Garrett resumes walking "good, I'll be at the truck" he tells him.

/

Ward takes buddy to a different part of the clearing.

Skye is outraged, He's clicked the gun and is aiming it at buddy while the dog stares up at him trustingly.

He is visibly shaking and the gun goes off, he's fired it into the air, buddy running off.

Christ, He is on the edge of tears and then there's a different shot, the shot of a sniper in the distance.

"Is it possible to hate Garrett anymore?" Skye asks bluntly, they all know who shot buddy the dog "maybe"

/

"I know what happened" ward sits up from his prison cot, surprised at the unexpected visit "In the forest. With Garrett. We all know what happened" he searches her face confused.

"It wasn't much" he dismisses "it was" she shakes her head slightly.

"I understand, well I understand a bit. Here" she tosses a water bottle at him "You're not forgiven, Ward, not at all…but maybe we can start working together and not against each other"


End file.
